Eb’s Observations…


In many cultures, it is believed that black butterflies are the symbol of transition, renewal or rebirth. It is also believed that black butterflies could be a symbol of rebirth of something or people. They are also symbolized for longevity and shift in the power. In short, black butterflies are supposed to be the sign of positive change in the present situation.

America, America, America…Mens, womens, and chirrens…gather round gather round…

As of last year, I have taken a step back from the physicalities of the dating world and BOY am I glad that I did! In my sobriety I have had the opportunity to experience and witness some of America’s wackest of inidividuals!

Wack, as defined by the urban dictionary is something (and I’ll say someONE’s) that just plain suck, or isn’t cool at all! Yes! I agree…

The twist in these observations isn’t necessarily about the men I’ve encountered but moreso on the things that I have learned about  myself.  I’m grateful…

I have learned that:

1.) I am an ever-evolving changing human being.

I am just not done in this caterpillar/butterfly process.  I have so much to learn, so much to share, so much to see.  The funny part of it all is that even though these er uh wack individuals linger longer than I anticipate, I think I am testing my own nerves to see just how much BS I can actually handle. Let me tell ya’ll it ain’t much.  Not much at all.  But I will confess the laughter that resounds from my gut helps to cover up the fact that they are indeed a waste of time.

2. Forget women settling…Dudes out here settling EVERYDAY!

*sigh* This is a very REAL issue that happens on a regular.  Apparently crazy is the new normal and normal is the new crazy.  Well, maybe I shouldn’t loosely use the term “crazy” let’s go with “baggage”….yeah baggage.  So, I and my friends would consider ourselves “normal” women with dreams, aspirations, and morals.  Normal right? Well it has been brought to my attention that although I am the beez kneez, I am “work”.  Work as in they’ll know from jump that I aint going for the foolery. Nope I will not deal with your many addictions, your mis-handeling of your countless lady friends, your hate speech towards women. no. sir. ree. bob.  I need more. We need more! But who is getting the action you say? Glad you asked! Welp, I’ll tell ya, the ladies with no jobs, no dreams, 5 kids and 2 baby daddies, laced with DRAMA.  But since she has high aspirations to be the receptionists assistant one day we should all applaud his efforts.  I’m good.  I mean, ya’ll can but I’ll be chilling somewhere round the alter…lol! Or if you want to flip it, the young lady works all day breaking her back to make ends meet and he’s at home playing the PS3, smacking on sammiches, eating Little Debbie‘s latest delectables and jungle juice (remember those?!!) The gender roles are jacked up ya hear me! jacked.up! I ain’t the one though America…moving on…

3. I categorize males.

Nothing more to it than that.  I pay attention to the words spoken, how they’re spoken, and why they’re spoken and govern myself accordingly. Speaking of which…leads me to #4

4. I have to govern myself accordingly

After all the trust I try to place in my brethren, I have realized (even though I knew before, but I REALLY REALLY know now) they will only do what you allow them to.  This is not to be taken lightly AT ALL! I figured hey, he KNOWS he has a significant other so I’ll be straight, right? WRONG OH SO WRONG! Chile, lemme tell ya. Dudes out here could care less if they living with her or came with her. It is my job to respect myself first and then their relationship. Whether I know her or like her or not.  I’m not here to be all “well if he doesn’t why should I?” NAWL America, I ain’t bout that life. Not at all!

5. And after all of that is said and done, the ultimate lesson I have learned through my observations of others and self….*drum roll please* I.AM.NOT. mentally nor emotionally equipped with the energy necessary to participate in a serious relationship at this present time.

And I am ok with this.  Alot of relationships are happening on shifty circumstances and emotions and I’d just rather not be one of those people entering into something because of lonlieness or whatever the excuse may be.  I’m still learning about myself. Loving myself more. Focusing on where I would like to be in this here life of mine.  There’s too much to do WHILE I’m single to be sitting up worried about WHY I’m single.  Don’t get me wrong! It gets rough in the midnight hour, and often times its nice just have the company of a male in the same room.  But I’m ok with waiting for Him and him. ..

On that note:

Thanks America!


T.I.M.E


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I think the time has come for me to finally write about it….

It hurts…

Time is filled with swift transition is probably the realest lyric I’ve ever heard.  How quickly time dictates to us what should and should not have taken place. Who we can and can not be. Who we need to and need not be with. 

Time kept us together.  We kept us apart…

Year 1: Hallway escort. Sung to me the lyrics of “Beauty” daily to remind me of mine.  Held hands, hung out, awkward moments, laughed until we cried.  It was your smile that got me. Your knowledge intrigued me…time went on…you always made me smile…

Year 5: Collegiate years.  HBCU undergrads.  We’re in the big leagues now.  Right? Time wasnt adding up.  When exactly did you have time for others. Text others. Call others. Have the attention of the others.  Couldnt have been true cause you didnt have enough time, or so i thought.  I thought space was healthy, not wanting to invade yours but I guess, silly me, should’ve just been there all the time like you wanted.  But, the timing wasn’t right, its been 5yrs now, its been a long enough time… right?

Year 7: It’s time to just stop. Stop with the I love you’s, stop with the i’ll change’s, just stop…We begin the cycle of yo-yo’ing in and out of each other’s lives.  Time made us comfortable with each other. Complacent with what we already knew.6 months on 6 months off. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. for 3 years.  Time is like that you know.  All of a sudden you figure you dont have the time to get to know anyone else. Time catches you up in a cycle. Love. Hate. Split. Love harder. Hate more. Split frequently. Even when we’re seeing other people we still made time for each other…after. Even while sneaking around we didn’t take the time to get to know the people we’d be come.  Still holding on to our Year one selves. Operating as if no time had passed us by.  Time is a funny little thing isn’t it. 

Love is even funnier…

Year 10: This is do or die…Now or never…It’s Time.  This is it.  Travels were made, the time exactly was 21hrs. 2days almost but we made it. Determined to be something that we’re not. Afraid to make time for others. Afraid to lose the time we had.  Time keeps you on a string, keeps pulling you back even though you dont want to. Thinking on all the good times and never lending an attentive ear to the bad times…It sounds good, but it does so much internal damage. I changed, you changed…what we were in search of were the good ol’ times we had. Before life got stressful, decisions had to be made, before dreams were being chased after.  We lost our individual selves trying to be people we weren’t.  We’d both grown up and neither one of us wanted to admit it. Time wouldn’t let us. Ok, so I’m stubborn, I get it… But even after realizing it we still didn’t work.

Even after all of this time, I still smile at the thought of you, I still get teary at the mention of you, I still want whats best for you… I am just so proud of you. You see this time, I’ve grown all the way up. Not just enough to meet the height requirement at the fair, but so much so to where I no longer consider myself a young anything.  These are times of the Woman.  I embrace them. I love them. I share them.  Im not her anymore…These times won’t allow me to be petty or belittle, become bitter or emotionally spent over what time should’ve done for us. 

Time has helped to make me who I am…No mistakes have been made. 

I thank you for your time…

 


iHeart ALL of this…Thank you


Understanding goes a long way…


Article: Call and Response…Lest we forget…


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Lest we forget…

It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister
 magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from
 black men. 

 
 Dear Jamie:
 I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your
 Black male readers.
 
 I am a White female who is engaged to a Black
 male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t
 understand a lot of Black female’s attitudes about our
 relationship.
 
 My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst
 Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too
 fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too
 materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.
 
 Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was
 constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine
 me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms
 about us being with their men, why don’t they look at
 themselves and make some changes.
 
 I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when
 we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some
 Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by
 them.
 
 Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us
 Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford,
 Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry
 Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don
 Cornelius , Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne,
 Wesley Snipes…
 
 I could go on and on. But, right
  now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this
 so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because
 so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and
 learn from us and
 we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong,
 Black men, let me know.
 
 Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA
 
 RESPONSE
 
 Dear Jamie:
 
 I would like to respond to the letter written by A
 Disgusted White Girl.
 
 Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I
 graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in
 Atlanta , Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business
 Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and
 have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be
 among the ranks of successful black men.
 
 I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I
 just want to set the record straight of why black men date
 white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why
 black men
  dated white women was because they were considered easy.
 
 The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the
 church. They were very strict about when they lost their
 virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience
 to wait, brothers would look for someone
 who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they
 turned to the white girls.
 
 Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women
 because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black
 men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses,
 have become intimidated by
 the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our
 woman will be more successful than us, make more money than
 us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this
 fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone
 we can control.
 
 I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously
 comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their
 white
  women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A
 Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black
 men date white women.
 
 Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael
 Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood,
 Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds , Samuel L. Jackson, and
 Chris Rock all married strong black women And,to flip the
 script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the
 spotlight, who openly or secretly desire black women over
 white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to
 name a few.
 
 I just don’t want a disgusted white girl to be
 misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that
 you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian
 Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties
 and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves of
 Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head
 with clubs. Read your history!
 
 It was the black woman that
  taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the
 black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It
 was black women who were breast feeding and raising your
 babies during slavery.
 
 It is the black woman that had to endure watching their
 fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown
 in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against
 them: being black and being a woman.
 And, through all this, Still They Rise!
 
 It is because of the black women’s strength, elegance,
 power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except
 my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that
 captivates and draws me to them. It is not
 the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and
 shades that I love them.
 
 Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about
 black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing
 souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great
 obstacles, their willingness to stand
  for what they believe in, and their determination to
 succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring
 great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with
 black women.
 
 I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward
 jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were
 not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to
 darken your skin? If you are so
 proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy
 with your pale skin?  Why do you continue to inject
 your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous
 substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous?
 
 I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting
 to have what the black woman has.
 
 BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone
 I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But,
 unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone
 that can be a good wife and mother to my
  children.
 
 Someone who can be my best friend and understands my
 struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a
 sister and; unfortunately,
 you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.
 
 No offense taken, none given.
 
Signed, Black Royalty

 

Never forget….

Chao Bellas,

Besitos Y Brazos


Getting Back to Nappy…Short and Sweet…Free and Me….


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Cant Win for Winning. #theStruggle. its REAL!


You can’t win You can’t break even And you can’t get out of the game

Hola mi gente!

 
It’s been a while..i know, i know. Please forgive me.
 
Any hoo, this here is long overdue.  LONG OVERDUE!  I have an issue America and you’re gonna listen.  Do you want to? i don’t care , do you need to? YES!

 

Here I am:

  • an African American woman
  • 20something
  • educated (however you want to take and use that word, im that)
  • doing ok for myself: car, dwelling place, etc
  • get my run on from time to time
  • single
  •  funny
  •  gawgeous (if i do say so myself)
  • never been married
  • no kids
  • no drama

and I get hit with these off side, back handed ignorant, incomplete notions about my sanity on the regular because I have “it” together.

The phrasing exactly is (after said male is informed of my awesometasticness): Something must be wrong with you?

Ya know, I’m starting to believe that as much as men SWEAR they dont want a woman with alot of baggage, chirrens, and mens all over the place, they are indeed lying to themselves. SERIOUSLY!  I can only speak for myself, but I find it quite comical that once they realize I aint “her” they get all jittery. Like there’s not enough drama-filled excitement in my life for them. 

Por ejemplo: Guy calls after oh, idk, maybe 3-4days of no communcation. here goes:

Boy: Good Morning (skeptical voice)

Girl: Hey, whats up? How is your vacation going? (in a pleasant cheery tone)

Boy: hmmm, interesting…

Girl: Your trip was interesting? thats whats up

Boy: Nah, i mean, yeah it was cool but I wasnt expecting this kind of reaction from you.

Girl: Reaction? What reaction? (face looks about like this o_O)

Boy: Oh, nothing. I just figured since I hadnt called you in a few days that you’d have an attitude or be like “hey stranger”

Girl: Um, oh?

Boy: yeah I know crazy right?

Girl: Right…o_O

Boy: I was just trying to test and see how you’d act if I wasnt calling you all the time.  I must say your reaction was    refreshing.

Girl: oh…um ok? Im not really familiar with this testing that you speak of, you dont necessarily have to explain yourself to me nor test me.  Im not a child.  I figure if you want to talk you’ll call, silly me o_o

Boy: yeah i know…

OK! stop the madness! PLEASE! now I do understand and know some women who would fit this description however i don’t care enough I’m not the one. Why do men WANT you to have an attitude? I’m starting to believe that they don’t like peace in their homes, or peace of mind at that. 

The other I’ve heard is the “i’m looking for flaws now, cuz this could be too good to be true” nonsense.  I swear before cheese and crackers, right hand on the latest publication of Jet and Ebony magazine, something is more wrong with men than we choose to acknowledge.  There are some really scarred individuals wearing “swag” clothing (forgive me for using that word).

What’s happening? What have I missed? What book did I not read? What midterm or final did I skip in college?

WHO HURT YOU!….lol.

So basically I can’t win cause I’m winning? Right? no? yes? huh? Goodness color me confused!!

I guess those crows were right about one thing:

YOU CAN’T WIN CHILE!….

Ease on down the road ya’ll…

Besitos y Brazos!!

Chao


Driving Miss Daisy meets Waiting to Exhale: circa 1960


 
Dear America, surrounding continents, members, visitors, and friends:

*sigh* my heart, mind, and stomach (cuz im hungry) is weary at this very hour…

The Help is in theatres and the masses of people are so excited to see it.  I think I’m gonna be the wet blanket on this here topic because none of the research I’ve done on this book/movie intrigues me enough to go and see The Help AKA Driving Miss Daisy meets Waiting to Exhale: circa 1960. 

Im going to apologize up front for my rant today.  Its based solely on my opinion and no I have not read or seen the movie.  I dont have to in order to have an opinion. wooooossaaaahhhh *sigh*

First off, why do all of the “The Help”-esque type movies have to take place here in the South?  People have had help/servants/maids/slaves, etc since the beginning of time ALL AROUND THE WORLD! Are we the safe haven for servitude or something? Oh, its that whole “southern hospitality” thing right? WRONG! In my STRONG humble opinion,  it’s all in people’s minds.  Do/are people still cleaning houses in Mississippi? I am so sure that they are. Are they cleaning them up in New York, Cali, Florida, etc? you can bet your bottom dollar but do they set up movies there? Nope. They’d rather bring their equipment down here to the “poe dunk” southern parts and relive “their” rendition of the slavery/civil rights eras. Yes, I get offended when “others” try and tell my history.  Not mine exactly but the history of my ancestors.  The Middle Passage wasnt a pier that you walked down before dipping your toes in the water ma’ams and sirs! NO! I slick go o_O when someone, other than a human being that is of the same race as me, attempts to spoon feed me black history.  Are they qualified on the subject? sure they have degrees…right? Thats why only Malcolm and Martin get recognized right? C’mon Son…

I know Mississippi isnt all that sweet and innocent nor will it ever be but some of ya’ll are just choosing to wear the mask.  Dont let Viola and Rocsi curb your opinions on everything.  Do we eat fried foods? yes, but the last time i checked KFC, Popeyes, Church’s, etc can be found AROUND the country.  Given the population estimates WE ARENT THE MAJORITY!!! so who’s helping to keep these chicken jawnts open? And given the research on that dreaded foolishness called Fried Kool-Aid that’s over in Cali! BUUUTTTT since we’re southern and eat fried foods and are leading the nation in obesity, its gotta be us right? no, stop ur assumptions IMMEDIATELY! I’ve never seen/heard of/tasted or smelled anything akin to fried kool-aid! What will they come up with next? hmmmm…yeah any hoo..

I have had people be shocked that I’m from Mississippi cuz they think we still out here in overalls straw hats barefoot and pregnant and some be afraid to even come to Mississippi, but check this: If you’ve already made up your mind about Mississippi dont come to me with your sideways information from TVland and what your great great great great grandmama done told you.  I’ll check you everytime! Now, I’ll admit, I am ready to leave this place but not because of the age old issues pointed out in the countless feel good movies for the melanin deficients of the world who want to be hand held and patted on the back and reassured that their ONE count’em ONE token “best” black friend wont come and hate them for the rest of their lives.  Alot of thngs happen here in Mississippi just like it does everywhere else.  Im not completely sure as to what the fascination is with throwing Mississippi under the bus with every opportunity given.  Just with people who are afraid to come here, there are alot more who come and wouldnt dare think about moving. Grow up people!

Let Mississippi be Mississippi, we’re not trying to steal your shine…sheesh!

P. S.:

Who?! I repeat WHO!! is gonna wear that shirt?

 
 
Sincerely,
 
G. R. I. T. S
Girl Raised In The South

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