After compiling my symptoms, discussing with other specialists of this rare condition (at least for a female of my age), and a little bit of self diagnosis i went ahead and came to terms with it. Besides it was starting to itch REAL bad…*shrugs*
Let’s go back to when I had my first flare up… (deep breaths, guys this is hard)
So, as always on some randon weekend I go home to hang with my cuzzo and her fee-awn-say (boughetto pronunciation…lol). But THIS particular weekend she wanted to go looking at some things for her wedding next year. Me not thinking anything of it, set out on the road trip.
First stop was the bridal store. I walk inside and admire the cute lil dresses in my head, but as i walk in closer at the racks and rows of garments for that special day, I felt my hands turning a little cold and moist and my breathing pattern was off. Almost as if I couldnt get enough air to breathe. I mean its happened before, just not to this extent. My thoughts began racing and suddenly I didnt want to touch anything. Just wanted to run to the car and sit there until they were finished. Check PahLEEZ!
Next stop, the mall where the jewelry store was to find the band for the future hubby. I had kinda calmed down a smidge but, as soon as she started asking me which one looked the best I felt my breathing get shallow and my heart began to race ridiculously. My palms weren’t just cold, but they became damp as well. I think it’s noticeable cuz she’s like, “whats wrong with you nikki? (yeah yeah i have a nickname) are you ok?” The only thing i could muster up to say as i grabbed my face, “It’s too much! This is all too much! Too many decisions!”
*sigh, sigh, double sigh*
It’s not hereditary, no other known members in my family have this…It’s just me. All by my se-e-eeeelf!
I GOTS DA GAMOPHOBIA! eeek!!
From my research: “Gamophobia is caused by incremental personal experiences and the observation of the effects of marriage on others, usually manifesting after age 25. There is a perceived danger that marriage will be harmful to the individual and is compounded by investigation to confirm the perceived danger and through first hand accounts of the damage marriage has wrought to friends, family and their extended network of adequatenesses. The fear grows with age and experience. Gamophobia is more prevalent in men because the perceived danger is far greater socially, financially, legally and personally.”
I always joked about having male personality traits but this is just a bit much!…lol. And as far as that age thing goes let’s just say this all started BEFORE the age of 25! I wasn’t the little girl planning out my wedding, as a matter of fact i told my mom to wrap up that whole idea of a son-in-law and grandkids…im a work in progress America! I promise I am!
I wanna walk down someone’s aisle one day! But the thought and the act do NOT dwell together…Please tell me I’m not alone…*sigh*
besitos y brazos